Forgive me for abandoning you. I did not intend to. I was hoping I could flush this down the toilet on Sunday, as I have on weeks before, but sometimes these things happen. I need you to know that whoever did this, you could not have prevented it. You must also know that I did not set out on a Thursday night with intent to slaughter. Not even for John would I do such a thing, now. But the "now" is also important.
I have started to realize that we are not like Twilight. You have already known what it is like to lose everyone who was once important in a blink of an eye. Vampirism would be even more a curse to you than it is to myself. And I am not a good guy vampire who only preys on animals or "bad people", whatever that is supposed to mean. I have let you all assume that, or maybe just not bring it up to be polite, because it was less drama that way, but I have killed thousands of people. I do not feel bad about most of them. And yes, I know you still care about people like Jobu and your girls, who also (no offense) do not regret anything, but it is not the same. It is hard for even a man with an excellent command of words to get across what that means. I do not think even I really can feel the scope of it, and I am the guy who killed them. The mind protects itself from such magnitudes.
At first it just did not come up, and then I was hiding it so that nobody decided to go vampire hunting on me and Jonathan would keep his mouth shut. But now it is different. I have grown truly fond of all of you here, some more than others. And you mean too much to me for me to keep lying, even in death. This is why vampires should not spend so much time living among humans probably. It is not easy to do what we do once we get attached, which is why if you care about someone you are going to want to make them a vampire as soon as possible. After the first couple of trials, I made up my mind that I would ask you to come home with me and do me the honor of becoming my vampire bride. But the rings in the department store are ugly, and also the moment was never "right", mostly because everyone we knew was dying in gruesome ways. So, it never happened.
That was for the best. I did not get you then, really, although I loved you. I did not care enough about you to think about what you would want. But all these deaths, they also make you think shit over, even though it is the shit you do not want to be true. You will go home to your team to keep doing your important work, and live the short precious human life that was already taken from you once. All I ask is that you sometimes remember me as I really was. A bad guy, a pitiful excuse for a warrior who was too much the coward to say this shit out loud while he was still alive, who was happy here, and made you laugh, and loved you very much.
I have known a fulfillment here, these last two months, that I cannot remember feeling last. Maybe it was just acting a part which could not have lasted in the end. I do not know. Even so, I wanted to keep being that big guy, with you and the others, for as long as it would last. I think I was changing, just a little, and that also is because of you making me think it was possible. So do not weep that I am gone after the obvious period of mourning, please. You have made me too happy for my death to make you too sad.
Finally, sorry for burdening you with a task after leaving you alone, but you are the only one I trust to bring word of my passing to my housemates. This ring and my letters should prove the truth of what you are saying, but they may try and hypnotize you to forget everything anyway, so you should first come during the day. Guillermo will assist you, although he may be a petty little shit about it, and the worst Colin Robinson can do is bore you. It would mean a lot to me if you kept it afterwards.
ZINDA
Forgive me for abandoning you. I did not intend to. I was hoping I could flush this down the toilet on Sunday, as I have on weeks before, but sometimes these things happen. I need you to know that whoever did this, you could not have prevented it. You must also know that I did not set out on a Thursday night with intent to slaughter. Not even for John would I do such a thing, now. But the "now" is also important.
I have started to realize that we are not like Twilight. You have already known what it is like to lose everyone who was once important in a blink of an eye. Vampirism would be even more a curse to you than it is to myself. And I am not a good guy vampire who only preys on animals or "bad people", whatever that is supposed to mean. I have let you all assume that, or maybe just not bring it up to be polite, because it was less drama that way, but I have killed thousands of people. I do not feel bad about most of them. And yes, I know you still care about people like Jobu and your girls, who also (no offense) do not regret anything, but it is not the same. It is hard for even a man with an excellent command of words to get across what that means. I do not think even I really can feel the scope of it, and I am the guy who killed them. The mind protects itself from such magnitudes.
At first it just did not come up, and then I was hiding it so that nobody decided to go vampire hunting on me and Jonathan would keep his mouth shut. But now it is different. I have grown truly fond of all of you here, some more than others. And you mean too much to me for me to keep lying, even in death. This is why vampires should not spend so much time living among humans probably. It is not easy to do what we do once we get attached, which is why if you care about someone you are going to want to make them a vampire as soon as possible. After the first couple of trials, I made up my mind that I would ask you to come home with me and do me the honor of becoming my vampire bride. But the rings in the department store are ugly, and also the moment was never "right", mostly because everyone we knew was dying in gruesome ways. So, it never happened.
That was for the best. I did not get you then, really, although I loved you. I did not care enough about you to think about what you would want. But all these deaths, they also make you think shit over, even though it is the shit you do not want to be true. You will go home to your team to keep doing your important work, and live the short precious human life that was already taken from you once. All I ask is that you sometimes remember me as I really was. A bad guy, a pitiful excuse for a warrior who was too much the coward to say this shit out loud while he was still alive, who was happy here, and made you laugh, and loved you very much.
I have known a fulfillment here, these last two months, that I cannot remember feeling last. Maybe it was just acting a part which could not have lasted in the end. I do not know. Even so, I wanted to keep being that big guy, with you and the others, for as long as it would last. I think I was changing, just a little, and that also is because of you making me think it was possible. So do not weep that I am gone after the obvious period of mourning, please. You have made me too happy for my death to make you too sad.
Finally, sorry for burdening you with a task after leaving you alone, but you are the only one I trust to bring word of my passing to my housemates. This ring and my letters should prove the truth of what you are saying, but they may try and hypnotize you to forget everything anyway, so you should first come during the day. Guillermo will assist you, although he may be a petty little shit about it, and the worst Colin Robinson can do is bore you. It would mean a lot to me if you kept it afterwards.
Love,
Nandor the Relentless (alias "big guy")