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fuckingguy) wrote2022-07-11 10:18 pm
fuckingguy) wrote2022-07-11 10:18 pm
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unknownseas inventory
KEEPING
Bathrobe - A cheap deep red bathrobe, for when you want to look classy in your study but you just aren’t the kind of person with money for things like “a study” or “books” or “quality fabric.”
Hand-Made Paper - Just a loose stack of really fancy bespoke paper! To make those letters you write in case of your death really pop, you know? (x2)
Ten-Gallon Hat - A hat perfect for wearing in a western - or on stage singing country music. Yeehaw!
Life-Sized Stuffed Penguin - A stuffed penguin about a foot and a half tall. Looks almost real, but is almost unbelievably soft. (x2)
Origami Instructions - A book of instructions on how to fold paper into cool things! Unfortunately, it doesn’t actually come with any paper.
“Letter Opener” - A serrated combat knife that wouldn’t be out of place trying to survive in the wilderness. (x2)
Incredible Soaking Device - A water gun! Surely you will all be very responsible with this.
Punk Jeans - A pair of black skinny jeans torn and safety pinned back together so thoroughly, you’re not sure how much of the fabric is left. But hey, they fit!
Wizard Hat - A big pointy blue and silver hat! For commanding mystical energies, or maybe just looking like a dork.
Hawaiian Shirt - Dealer’s choice of any of these button-ups! Pretend like you’re on a cruise-themed murdergame instead of this one.
Labcoat - A standard white labcoat, perfect for pretending you’re a lab assistant to some kind of professor!
Wetsuit - A full skintight wetsuit! Somehow, despite the random nature of the vending machine, it fits you perfectly.
BooBies coupon - A coupon for bottomless mimosas at the best Breastaraunt in the Galaxy! Features a certain scantily clad waitress with a perky attitude and a perkier pair of... Well, you know.
“Social Distancing Device” - A six-foot-long staff, with a pointed blade at the end. Yep, it’s a spear! Has all the powers of a spear, too. Like stabbing. (x4)
Ten-Gallon Hat - A hat perfect for wearing in a western - or on stage singing country music. Yeehaw!
A Gun - A handgun wrapped in wet brown paper. Don't be confused! This isn't a toy. (Courtesy of Hodaka)
“Extra-Large Spice Grinder” - It’s. It’s just a full-on Medieval-style mace.
VILE-Brand Pen - A souvenir waterproof pen with the acronym VILE on it. Great for signing checks! (x3)
“Almond Flavoring” - A tightly-sealed vial of some kind of powder with a skull and crossbones on it and a very direct warning label informing the reader that it’s Literally Just Cyanide.
_____ in Wonderland - A copy of Alice in Wonderland, except Alice’s name has been replaced with yours. That’s the power of public domain, baby.
“Personal Space Reminder” - A small handheld device that, when you press a button, generates an external current of electricity. Could be dangerous if you touched someone with the electric parts!
First Aid Spray - A can of medicinal spray, courtesy of the Umbrella Corporation. Its instant-healing effects don't work here, unfortunately, but it'll at least clean wounds out to keep them from getting infected. Ironically.
Golden Airplane: A golden sculpture said to represent a plane or spaceship. It was found in ruins in Colombia dated to around 1,000 CE, indicating to some that this represents an "OOPArt".
OOCLY I KNOW THIS BELONGS TO OTHER PEOPLE BUT ICLY HE WILL JUST CONTINUE TO HOARD
Kunai: A belt of six throwing knives. Very Naruto.
Prom Crown: A gold crown, set with numerous rare gems, fit for a queen. Yet, on the outside are the words "Prom Queen." The gold and gems might not be real...
One-Millionth Crystal: A necklace with an one-inch crystal octrahedon attached to it. It may or may not be made of innards.
YARD SARD
Plastic Mask - For when you want to look… Handsome.
Atlas Shrugged - A hardbound copy of Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand! Makes for poor reading, but fantastic kindling! (x2)
Radio Play - A Fontaine Futuristics Accu-Vox recording featuring part of a serialized adventure.
Hand Bra - Who the heck left this in here? It almost seems like it belongs in a whole other world.
Stuffed Big Daddy - A stuffed toy shaped like… a huge man with a drill for a hand? Don’t worry, he’s soft! (x2)
N25 Song: A CD with a random Nightcord at 25:00 song on it.
Non-Descript Golden Man Award - A gold statue of a blank man, sized to be held in one hand! A sign on the bottom says it’s for… Best Grandma? Unfortunately it’s not even made out of gold, it’s just gold-painted bronze. (x2)
Bathrobe - A cheap deep red bathrobe, for when you want to look classy in your study but you just aren’t the kind of person with money for things like “a study” or “books” or “quality fabric.”
Wizard Hat - A big pointy blue and silver hat! For commanding mystical energies, or maybe just looking like a dork.
Starfleet Uniform - It's a Starfleet uniform! They come in red (command and navigation), blue (medical/science), and gold (engineering/communications). Which one will you wear? Go nuts, it's a classic cosplay!
Pin-Up Calendar? - A calendar for the year 1965, featuring lurid pictures of… large men in full diving suits?
Clue Bottle - Bouncing bottles that always make an annoying tinkling sound. Bust thirty open to get the combination to a safe!
Peregrine Two: A small tape recorder with a single tape. It's an interview between Brett and a teenage girl, Peregrine. It begins with her recounting the story of spending several days lost in the woods after a snowstorm, before devolving into something more of a personal discussion.
Blobfish Kigurumi - No one asked for this. No one needed to bring this into the world.
Ten-Gallon Hat - A hat perfect for wearing in a western - or on stage singing country music. Yeehaw!
Wetsuit - A full skintight wetsuit! Somehow, despite the random nature of the vending machine, it fits you perfectly.
Teacher of the Year Plaque - It's a wooden plaque with a red apple on it, proclaiming someone named William Schuester the Teacher of the Year in 2012...except there's sloppy quotes carved around the word Teacher. How rude!
Bootleg Bear Plush - A plush of some strange bear that’s black on its right side and white on its left, with one poorly-stitched red eye. Who is he? Why is he here? He has a terrible aura...
Charlie Pants - A doll of a just wildly creepy-looking clown.
GONE
Blobfish Kigurumi - No one asked for this. No one needed to bring this into the world. (given to joy)
Mango - A relatively high-quality mango, which might be surprising the longer into this whole thing you get one out of the machine. You could make a religion out of this. (left in the suite 1 fridge because he doesn't realize mangos don't go there)
Origami Instructions - A book of instructions on how to fold paper into cool things! Unfortunately, it doesn’t actually come with any paper. (you know he was just like (dracula voice) "I ALREADY HAVE ONE OF THOSE", dropped it on the floor, and simply left the room)
Hot Sauce - A bottle of very strong hot sauce! Use at your own risk! (left in the suite 1 kitchenette)
An Egg - Can the vending machine offer you one of these in this trying time? Hard-boiled, at least. (left in the suite 1 kitchenette)
Biocomputer - Have you ever wanted to own a head in a jar? Well congratulations, you now possess one (1) head in a jar! He appears to be asleep right now. (given to rossiu)
Malört - A bottle of a foul-tasting liquor produced and distributed exclusively in Chicago, Illinois. It’s literally named after wormwood, if you don’t like strong and bitter alcohol you’ll probably have a bad time.
(given to zinda)
Gamer Fuel - It’s.... a salt shaker? Full of salt? (he brought it to the seance, but, like, it was in a restaurant, of course he forget which was his and never took it back)
Bible+ - A copy of the Bible! Hang on, there’s an extra section at the back… why is there a gripping original opera about the fall of the Merovingian dynasty in here? (he screamed at the top of his lungs and chucked it across the room)
Smoke Bomb - Produces a large cloud of malevolent purple smoke, perfect for a dramatic exit. (accidentally detonated in the lobby)
Coconut - It’s a coconut. Secretly, as a food famous for floating, it’s suffering more than any of you, but it refuses to complain… (left in the suite 1 kitchenette)
“Letter Opener” - A serrated combat knife that wouldn’t be out of place trying to survive in the wilderness. (thrown at vholran during trial 3)
Snackoos - A sizable vacuum-sealed bag of cylindrical chocolate-covered crisps. Not only are they tasty, but they also make a satisfying "ka-tonk" when thrown. (x2) (left in the suite 1 kitchenette)
Donut - These donuts are great! Jelly-filled are my favorite! Which is to say yes, this is a single jelly-filled donut. It doesn’t even look suspiciously like any other kind of food. (left in the suite 1 kitchenette)
Bathrobe - A cheap deep red bathrobe, for when you want to look classy in your study but you just aren’t the kind of person with money for things like “a study” or “books” or “quality fabric.”
Hand-Made Paper - Just a loose stack of really fancy bespoke paper! To make those letters you write in case of your death really pop, you know? (x2)
Ten-Gallon Hat - A hat perfect for wearing in a western - or on stage singing country music. Yeehaw!
Life-Sized Stuffed Penguin - A stuffed penguin about a foot and a half tall. Looks almost real, but is almost unbelievably soft. (x2)
Origami Instructions - A book of instructions on how to fold paper into cool things! Unfortunately, it doesn’t actually come with any paper.
“Letter Opener” - A serrated combat knife that wouldn’t be out of place trying to survive in the wilderness. (x2)
Incredible Soaking Device - A water gun! Surely you will all be very responsible with this.
Punk Jeans - A pair of black skinny jeans torn and safety pinned back together so thoroughly, you’re not sure how much of the fabric is left. But hey, they fit!
Wizard Hat - A big pointy blue and silver hat! For commanding mystical energies, or maybe just looking like a dork.
Hawaiian Shirt - Dealer’s choice of any of these button-ups! Pretend like you’re on a cruise-themed murdergame instead of this one.
Labcoat - A standard white labcoat, perfect for pretending you’re a lab assistant to some kind of professor!
Wetsuit - A full skintight wetsuit! Somehow, despite the random nature of the vending machine, it fits you perfectly.
BooBies coupon - A coupon for bottomless mimosas at the best Breastaraunt in the Galaxy! Features a certain scantily clad waitress with a perky attitude and a perkier pair of... Well, you know.
“Social Distancing Device” - A six-foot-long staff, with a pointed blade at the end. Yep, it’s a spear! Has all the powers of a spear, too. Like stabbing. (x4)
Ten-Gallon Hat - A hat perfect for wearing in a western - or on stage singing country music. Yeehaw!
A Gun - A handgun wrapped in wet brown paper. Don't be confused! This isn't a toy. (Courtesy of Hodaka)
“Extra-Large Spice Grinder” - It’s. It’s just a full-on Medieval-style mace.
VILE-Brand Pen - A souvenir waterproof pen with the acronym VILE on it. Great for signing checks! (x3)
“Almond Flavoring” - A tightly-sealed vial of some kind of powder with a skull and crossbones on it and a very direct warning label informing the reader that it’s Literally Just Cyanide.
_____ in Wonderland - A copy of Alice in Wonderland, except Alice’s name has been replaced with yours. That’s the power of public domain, baby.
“Personal Space Reminder” - A small handheld device that, when you press a button, generates an external current of electricity. Could be dangerous if you touched someone with the electric parts!
First Aid Spray - A can of medicinal spray, courtesy of the Umbrella Corporation. Its instant-healing effects don't work here, unfortunately, but it'll at least clean wounds out to keep them from getting infected. Ironically.
Golden Airplane: A golden sculpture said to represent a plane or spaceship. It was found in ruins in Colombia dated to around 1,000 CE, indicating to some that this represents an "OOPArt".
OOCLY I KNOW THIS BELONGS TO OTHER PEOPLE BUT ICLY HE WILL JUST CONTINUE TO HOARD
Kunai: A belt of six throwing knives. Very Naruto.
Prom Crown: A gold crown, set with numerous rare gems, fit for a queen. Yet, on the outside are the words "Prom Queen." The gold and gems might not be real...
One-Millionth Crystal: A necklace with an one-inch crystal octrahedon attached to it. It may or may not be made of innards.
YARD SARD
Plastic Mask - For when you want to look… Handsome.
Atlas Shrugged - A hardbound copy of Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand! Makes for poor reading, but fantastic kindling! (x2)
Radio Play - A Fontaine Futuristics Accu-Vox recording featuring part of a serialized adventure.
Hand Bra - Who the heck left this in here? It almost seems like it belongs in a whole other world.
Stuffed Big Daddy - A stuffed toy shaped like… a huge man with a drill for a hand? Don’t worry, he’s soft! (x2)
N25 Song: A CD with a random Nightcord at 25:00 song on it.
Non-Descript Golden Man Award - A gold statue of a blank man, sized to be held in one hand! A sign on the bottom says it’s for… Best Grandma? Unfortunately it’s not even made out of gold, it’s just gold-painted bronze. (x2)
Bathrobe - A cheap deep red bathrobe, for when you want to look classy in your study but you just aren’t the kind of person with money for things like “a study” or “books” or “quality fabric.”
Wizard Hat - A big pointy blue and silver hat! For commanding mystical energies, or maybe just looking like a dork.
Starfleet Uniform - It's a Starfleet uniform! They come in red (command and navigation), blue (medical/science), and gold (engineering/communications). Which one will you wear? Go nuts, it's a classic cosplay!
Pin-Up Calendar? - A calendar for the year 1965, featuring lurid pictures of… large men in full diving suits?
Clue Bottle - Bouncing bottles that always make an annoying tinkling sound. Bust thirty open to get the combination to a safe!
Peregrine Two: A small tape recorder with a single tape. It's an interview between Brett and a teenage girl, Peregrine. It begins with her recounting the story of spending several days lost in the woods after a snowstorm, before devolving into something more of a personal discussion.
Blobfish Kigurumi - No one asked for this. No one needed to bring this into the world.
Ten-Gallon Hat - A hat perfect for wearing in a western - or on stage singing country music. Yeehaw!
Wetsuit - A full skintight wetsuit! Somehow, despite the random nature of the vending machine, it fits you perfectly.
Teacher of the Year Plaque - It's a wooden plaque with a red apple on it, proclaiming someone named William Schuester the Teacher of the Year in 2012...except there's sloppy quotes carved around the word Teacher. How rude!
Bootleg Bear Plush - A plush of some strange bear that’s black on its right side and white on its left, with one poorly-stitched red eye. Who is he? Why is he here? He has a terrible aura...
Charlie Pants - A doll of a just wildly creepy-looking clown.
GONE
Blobfish Kigurumi - No one asked for this. No one needed to bring this into the world. (given to joy)
Mango - A relatively high-quality mango, which might be surprising the longer into this whole thing you get one out of the machine. You could make a religion out of this. (left in the suite 1 fridge because he doesn't realize mangos don't go there)
Origami Instructions - A book of instructions on how to fold paper into cool things! Unfortunately, it doesn’t actually come with any paper. (you know he was just like (dracula voice) "I ALREADY HAVE ONE OF THOSE", dropped it on the floor, and simply left the room)
Hot Sauce - A bottle of very strong hot sauce! Use at your own risk! (left in the suite 1 kitchenette)
An Egg - Can the vending machine offer you one of these in this trying time? Hard-boiled, at least. (left in the suite 1 kitchenette)
Biocomputer - Have you ever wanted to own a head in a jar? Well congratulations, you now possess one (1) head in a jar! He appears to be asleep right now. (given to rossiu)
Malört - A bottle of a foul-tasting liquor produced and distributed exclusively in Chicago, Illinois. It’s literally named after wormwood, if you don’t like strong and bitter alcohol you’ll probably have a bad time.
(given to zinda)
Gamer Fuel - It’s.... a salt shaker? Full of salt? (he brought it to the seance, but, like, it was in a restaurant, of course he forget which was his and never took it back)
Bible+ - A copy of the Bible! Hang on, there’s an extra section at the back… why is there a gripping original opera about the fall of the Merovingian dynasty in here? (he screamed at the top of his lungs and chucked it across the room)
Smoke Bomb - Produces a large cloud of malevolent purple smoke, perfect for a dramatic exit. (accidentally detonated in the lobby)
Coconut - It’s a coconut. Secretly, as a food famous for floating, it’s suffering more than any of you, but it refuses to complain… (left in the suite 1 kitchenette)
“Letter Opener” - A serrated combat knife that wouldn’t be out of place trying to survive in the wilderness. (thrown at vholran during trial 3)
Snackoos - A sizable vacuum-sealed bag of cylindrical chocolate-covered crisps. Not only are they tasty, but they also make a satisfying "ka-tonk" when thrown. (x2) (left in the suite 1 kitchenette)
Donut - These donuts are great! Jelly-filled are my favorite! Which is to say yes, this is a single jelly-filled donut. It doesn’t even look suspiciously like any other kind of food. (left in the suite 1 kitchenette)